If I had a dollar for every woman I have heard say, “All men are PIGS,” I assure you, I’d probably be richer than Bill Gates. Well, not quite, but I’m sure I’d make it on the Forbes list. Why do women say or think like that? I’ll tell you why:
- It is a defense mechanism.
- We’ve met the wrong men who played us and it becomes easier to generalize.
- We give up!
- We’ve been hurt too many times before to see men as anything other than— Pork.
Fellas, no need to be oinking over there, we hear ya! Is it your fault that the guy before you broke her heart and now you are picking up the pieces paying his love debt in full plus tons of interest for her torn spirit? Absolutely not! However, that’s no different from men telling me all women are “gold diggers” or “bitches.” And why do men say this? I’ll tell you why:
- It is a defense mechanism.
- They’ve met the wrong women who played them badly and it becomes easier to categorize them all in one group.
- They gave up!
- They’ve been hurt too many times before to see women as anything other than— female dogs in heat.
Is this a perfect world? Apparently not. I will tell you what’s wrong:
SEEING OTHER PEOPLE AS GOOD WHEN THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU
It is just people meeting the wrong people in the wrong places at the wrong time. You’re not going to find your dream girl at 3:00am in the morning getting wasted at a bar. (Unless that’s your kind of thing, and if so, good luck at the AA meetings.) The same goes for you ladies. There are no excuses. Look for the red flag and if it is not what you want don’t waste your time trying to change someone.
LETTING “THE ONE” GO
You meet the perfect girl, you let her go, and then you regret it forever. I will use one of my male friends (Michael) as an example. He met a nearly perfect girl, Rose, who loved him unconditionally. He left her because he wasn’t ready to settle down at the time, and by this I mean that Michael wanted to have a pussycat fest before tying the knot. He partied, met women galore, had all the sex a man could have and after his pussy buffet no longer satiated him that is when he realized no woman fulfilled him like Rose did. THREE years later he tried to get Rose back, but she got tired of waiting, met a man that she learned to love even more than what she loved Michael, and now she is happily married. MARRIED. Rose moved on. Was she supposed to cry her eyes out for 1,095 days hoping Michael changed his ways and come back to rescue her? NO. Life goes on.
Now don’t come and tell me “it wasn’t meant to be.” Sometimes we change our destiny and we are the ones to blame for our actions. If you get one shot at love, don’t let it go. However, this is exactly what Michael did. Now guess who is the one doing the crying? I love my guy friends dearly, but I hate to tell them, “I told you so.” Good news is my strong buddy did move on physically, but not entirely emotionally. He is now also married, but with children. And he tells me it hurts that every time he looks at his boys, he regrets he didn’t have them with Rose. Strong words. But that’s the way life is.
SO, WHAT NOW?
The key is not to judge all women and for women not to judge all men. If you’ve found something really good don’t take it for granted. And if you met a real awful person don’t judge one entire gender based on one person’s actions. Which brings me to the “All men are PIGS” philosophy. I am certain that was Rose’s mindset. But one man changed that completely around for her. It takes a lot of growing up for men and women to see each other as what we are—humans with feelings who sometimes harden our hearts based on our fatal experiences. But one person can make a difference. And that one man or woman can be YOU. And when I say “growing up” it has nothing to do with AGE and everything to do with SAGE.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO:
- BE CLEAR about what you want. Don’t wait around for someone to change for you. If you don’t like smokers, guess what? Paul the Puffer might and will not put those cigarettes down until he suffers a terminal illness, and even then, he might not stop smoking. You CAN’T change people. Advise them if you must, but don’t wait around for them to change.
- BE REALISTIC. I know this one guy who made fun of women he found unattractive, and let me tell you he was not smart, nice, or handsome. Beggars can’t be choosers. If you don’t look like Chris Hemsworth don’t expect us to look like Adriana Lima.
- BE SMART. If you found a diamond, don’t toss it. Or as my mom always says, “Don’t let go of the precious bird you have in your hands to go catch the ones that are flying.” Unless your heart is not there, then it is important to tell the person to move on. Just don’t expect them to be there for you when and if ever you decide to come back.
- BE CONFIDENT. Don’t allow anyone to DEGRADE you or make you feel insignificant. You are beautiful and if one person does not appreciate you the right one will. STAY AWAY from people who try to put you down. They have issues you do NOT have to deal with. If s/he needs help let them find a psychiatrist. And if you’re a psychiatrist, bill them for your services! It isn’t your duty to play Mighty Mouse with your lovers.
- BE MATURE: I always make it clear in my relationships, I can teach a man many things, but I can’t teach a man how to be a MAN. If they haven’t figured it out it is not my job to do it. Ladies, this applies to you too. A grown woman is direct and goes for what she wants. She doesn’t allow men to treat her as if she were an airhead. Have integrity and self-respect.
- BE PATIENT: I know so many couples who have rushed into marriage and years down the line regretted it. They think they are too old, ugly, fat, or stupid, that no one loves them and if one person sort of does then that person will do. HUGE MISTAKE. You’re NOT…
CONCENTRATING ON YOU!
We all want to LOVE and be LOVED. I will argue with anyone who says they don’t want to be loved by someone. The lack of love in this world explains why people look for some sort of fulfillment in alcohol, drugs, sex, etc., in order to feel complete and content.
We want someone to LOVE us so bad, we forget to love ourselves! No need to be crying a river. You are smart, beautiful and amazing! What more can you ask for? Don’t compare yourself to other people or their relationships. Loneliness is what you make of it! So what if all of your friends are married, it doesn’t mean they are happy in their relationships. Everyone needs someone, but we cannot live life waiting for “the one.” S/he will come along. In the meantime, go out, socialize, and meet new people. Attend social events, go to church or meditate, exercise, become part of a charity, etc. Want to change something about yourself? Now is the time to do it! Want to learn another language or how to cook? Go ahead! When you focus on other interests it is when the right person will take interest in you. We cannot love someone else more than what we love ourselves. Don’t be a pessimist. No matter how bad you think your life is someone has it worse. Realize how lucky you are! Look for the rainbow after the rain and be thankful for both the good and bad experiences in your life, thanks to them you’ve learned to choose wisely. Most importantly, don’t give up or settle for crumbs, especially when you can have the whole pie.
PS: Another FACT that proves men aren’t pigs— A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.