Alright, alright, we’ll admit it—women can be just as if not more confusing than men. See fellas, we’ve got the guts to fess up! It’s the Yin and the Yang, women trying to figure out men and vice versa. In all honesty though, women aren’t that difficult. We know we can be a bit hard to read and we understand this isn’t easy for you, but that’s the plan. We intended it that way. We suggest you read the signs. Sometimes people insist on seeing what they want to see instead of what’s really there. Are you more confused? We’ll break it down. For starters, there are 3 types of women, the: a.) Nice one, b.) Rude one, or c.) Combination of a&b. Chances are you’ll get to meet one or the other first, if you give her time, we assure you that you will get a glimpse of both. Don’t ignore the palpable signs. If you approach her and she rolls her eyes with the look of “Don’t even think about it loser” this means she’s just not that into you. Sorry man. However, there are times women are nice or friendly by nature and men misinterpret this as them being flirtatious or interested. Men, being the clueless creatures they are, quickly see this as, “Oh Yeah, she wants me!” Here comes the bad news— it isn’t so. Women like to have friends of the opposite sex, we like the advice, attention, and the fact that you can be honest with us when conversing. Does this mean we want to strip your clothes off, drop our panties and ride you like a bull at the country bar? Nope. Sorry again man.
We’ll try our best to let you down easy, when and if you decide to take the conversation to another level. But all in all, we are mysterious, we know you like the challenge and we’re not afraid to give it to you. On the other hand, if a woman is interested you’ll know because she will not give you any room for you to second guess it. That being said, here are top 10 tips on knowing if she wants your hot bod. Guys, hope you are valiant enough to read this, we recommend you having some Kleenex handy and your fingers pressed on the delete button of your phone’s contacts. Don’t feel bad once you’re done reading this. The ratio of women to men is vast, so to be quite frank we don’t feel sorry for you, since we’re certain you’ll get over it and bang the chick next door in no time, because you are SCARCE! Nonetheless, below are 10 signs that can help you decipher whether or not She’s Just Not That Into You:
Silent Treatment: If she doesn’t call, text, or email you, she’s just not that into you. If you text her, “My dog died” or “Happy Easter” and you get the response you would of your dead dog, c’mon man, that’s a sign.
“He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.”
Cold Stare: When a woman likes a man, you can tell, because she becomes a little girl all over again. Her eyes sparkle like twinkle, twinkle little stars, her inner child comes out, she’s happier, playful, and wants to eat ice cream and dance in the rain with you, well, because it’s fun. This means she’s smitten! But, if the two of you go out and the thought of a body at the morgue made you realize had a warmer look in its eyes than the girl you are with, damn, we hate to tell you—sorry man.
“A woman in love can’t be reasonable – or she probably wouldn’t be in love.”
Careless Carla: When a woman likes a guy, she wants to know everything about him. Sure, women are easily intrigued and they will try to get to know you, but if she could careless about your likes, dislikes, dreams and hopes, you know what this means, don’t you?
“Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.”
Mommy Dearest: When a woman really likes a man, she wants to meet his maker! Well, not that guy, but you know, the “mama” who brought such handsome prince to planet earth. We want to thank, see and evaluate the woman who may have mama-in-law potential. We want to listen to childhood stories and anything else she’s willing to share about you. Tip: Hide the naked baby pictures in the rubber-duckie tub when we visit. We also secretly want to check out your dad, so make sure to tell pops to hold his breath in and wear a toupee if you don’t want us running out the door. They say a woman will look like her mom when she gets older, you don’t think when it comes to your dad we apply the same rule? However, if you tell your gal-friend, “I’d like you to come over and meet my family” and she rejoinders, “WHY?” Shoot man, that’s NOT good.
“His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.”
Friends & Family: When a woman likes a man, she wants everyone to meet him, her friends, foes, family and even her kitty cat. Yes, you may have to entertain more than one pussy. She wants the world to see the guy who swept her off her feet. However, if you’ve been months talking and she doesn’t even want you to meet her furball this means there’s trouble in paradise. Run for shore, trust us those whales are mammals, their maternal instincts are nurturing!
“I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going before you’ve still got them.”
Dirty Dina: Not that type of dirty, sorry, we didn’t mean to excite you. When a woman is into a guy she goes to the extreme. She will get her nails done, nourish her hair, lose weight, make sure she’s prim, proper and that you never catch her without makeup. If around you she eats pizza, burps, and slaps some of the grease on that white t-shirt you were hoping she’d saved for that no so dry contest, apologies. Dirty Dina is a slob, the worst part is she doesn’t want to get down and dirty with you. She’s filthy, has no plans to clean up, you can take it or leave it, the truth is she doesn’t give a rat’s ass what you decide.
“Look your best – who said love is blind?” —Mae West
Jealous Jane: When a woman likes a man, she wants to know what types of women you like, have dated, or surround you. Of course, some of us won’t ask, because we may be too confident or just not the jealous type. If you mention you hired a new secretary and the Jealous Jane comes out, she has got the hots for you and wants to know what she’s up against. She may ask nonchalantly, “So, is she preeetty?” If so, she may be into you. If instead she answers, “Hope she’s efficient!” S-O-R-R-Y.
“A hard man is good to find.” —Mae West
Dating Downer: If you ask her out to dinner and she tells you she doesn’t eat, *sigh* that’s a warning, especially when her 46-inch hips do lie unlike Shakira’s.
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.” —Mae West
Jolly Molly: If every time she sees you she can’t wipe that stupid smile off her face, oh yeah, she’s hooked. If the silliest thing you say is the funniest thing she has ever heard and she laughs at all of your silly jokes seeming more gullible than your five year old niece and blonder than Pamela Anderson, she’s got it bad! Then again, if you crack a funny, and she looks at you as if you’re wasting her time, then you probably are.
“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” —Mae West
Moody Mary: If you annoy, irritate or pester her we have got one word for you—CAUTION! You’ll know if you have an effect on any of the three and no matter how much you like feisty women, this isn’t a good sign and shouldn’t turn you on even if it does *freak*. Don’t be oblivious. She’s NOT playing hard to get. If she acts around you worse than an animal with rabies, just give her some space, or better yet, don’t go near her again! Must we spell it out for Y—O—U?
“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” —Mae West
In general, if a woman likes you, you’ll know, because darn it, I gave some of the secrets away! Sorry ladies, I’ve got a site to run here. If you find that two or more of the top ten signs applies to you, don’t worry she’s not the one she may turn out to be a good friend, a network or you can meet that special someone through one of her friends. If not, don’t sweat it. When the girl of your dreams appears, you’ll know because she’ll show you all of the signs of how much she “IS” into you. Love is like a game and well, some of us play it too well. Learn the rules so you can score, but also be honest and know when to curtail or proceed, but don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t value it, spend it with the one who does.